A collection of Funny Geek quotes / Computer jokes


•    There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who do not.

•    If at first you do not succeed, call it version 1.0

•    I am not anti-social; I am just not user friendly

•    My software never has bugs. It just develops random features

•    Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, and my entire base belongs to you

•    In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

•    Hand over the calculator, friends do not let friends derive drunk

•    I would love to change the world, but they will not give me the source code

•    Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

•    The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. Therefore, I installed LINUX

•    A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax

•    UNIX, DOS and Windows...the good, the bad and the ugly

•    A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila

•    The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong

•    UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity

•    Ethernet (n): something used to catch the ether bunny

•    C://dos

•    C://dos.run

•    run.dos.run

•    You know it's love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead

•    JUST SHUT UP AND REBOOT!!

•    1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d

•    Alcohol & calculus don't mix. Never drink & derive

•    How do I set a laser printer to stun?

•    There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer

•    Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button

•    It's not bogus, it's an IBM standard

•    Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates!

•    The farther south you go, the more dollar stores there are

•    Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers

•    The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers

•    If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won't mar the furniture

•    COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

•    Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning

•    LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses

•    The beginning of the programmer's wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run and having a runnable program

•    Squash one bug, you'll see ten new bugs popping

•    Everytime i time i touch my code, i give birth to ten new bugs

•    Boast = blogging is open & amiable sharing of thoughts

•    We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again

•    Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted

•    If it weren't for C, we'd all be programming in BASI and OBO

•    Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner

•    Bad or corrupt header, go get a haircut

•    Unrecognized input, get out of the class

•    Warning! Buffer overflow, close the tumbler !

•    WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER

•    Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

•    Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes

•    Best file compression around: "rm *.*" = 100% compression

•    Hackers in Hollywood movies are phenomenal. All they need to do is "c:\> hack into fbi"

•    BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

•    I survived an NT installation

•    The name is Baud......James Baud

•    My new car runs at 56Kbps

•    Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"

•    File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

•    Cannot read data, leech the next boy's paper? (Y/N)

•    CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?

•    Does fuzzy logic tickle?

•    Helpdesk : Sir, you need to add 10GB space to your HD , Customer : Could you please tell where I can download that?

•    Windows: Just another pane in the glass

•    Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?

•    RAM disk is not an installation procedure

•    Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...

•    The truth is out there...anybody got the URL?

•    Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....

•    E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage

•    Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!

•    Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue

•    Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Mouse not attached. Please left click the 'OK' button to continue

•    Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

•    Press every key to continue

•    Helpdesk: Sir if you see the blue screen, press any key to continue. Customer : hm.. just a min.. where's that 'any key'..

•    Idiot, Go ahead, make my data!

•    Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources

•    To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so

•    Logical Error CLINTON.SYS: Truth table missing

•    Clinton:/> READ | PARSE | WRITE | DUMP >> MONKIA.SYS

•    (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza

•    Computers can never replace human stupidity

•    A typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(9855210)

•    (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic?

•    Bugs come in through open Windows

•    Penguins love cold, they wont survive the sun

•    Unix is user friendly...its just selective about who its friends are

•    Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity

•    Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.

•    To err is human...to really foul up requires the root password.

•    Invalid password : Please enter the correct password to (Abort / Retry / Ignore )

•    FUBAR - where Geeks go for a drink

•    I degaussed my girlfriend and I'm just not attracted to her anymore

•    Scandisk : Found 2 bad sectors. Please enter a new HD to continue scanning

•    Black holes are where God divided by zero

•    Hey! It compiles! Ship it!

•    Thank god, my baby just compiled

•    Yes! My code compiled, and my wife just produced the output

•    Windows 98 supports real multitasking - it can boot and crash simultaneously

•    Zap! And there was the blue screen !

•    Please send all spam to my main address, root@localhost :-)

•    MailerD(a)emon: You just received 9133547 spam. (O)pen all, (R)ead one by one, (C)heck for more spam

•    A: Can you teach me how to use a computer? B: No. I just fix the machines, I don't use them

•    PayPal: Your funds have been frozen for 668974 days

•    1-800-404 : The subscriber you are trying to call does not exist

•    1-800-403 : Access to that subscriber was denied

•    Error message: "Out of paper on drive D:"

•    If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I'd antialias my graphics!

•    A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

•    "Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye Captain. 300 dpi?"

•    Smith & Wesson: The Original Point And Click Interface

•    Shout onto a newsgroup : It echoes back flames and spam

•    Firewall : Intruder detected. (A)llow in (D)eactivate the firewall

•    Real programmers can write assembly code in any language

•    Warning! Perl script detected! (K)ill it , (D)eactivate it

•    Firewall : Do you want to place a motion detector on port 80 ?

•    Helpdesk: Sir, please refill your ink catridges Customer : Where can i download that?

•    All computers run at the same speed... with the power off

•    You have successfully logged in, Now press any key to log out

•    Sorry, the password you tried is already being used by Dorthy, please try something else.

•    Sorry, that username already exists. (O)verwrite it (C)ancel

•    Please send all flames, trolls, and complaints to /dev/toilet

•    Shut up, or i'll flush you out

•    Cron : Enter cron command \ Now enter the number of minutes in an hour

•    We are experiencing system trouble -- do not adjust your terminal

•    You have successfully hacked in, Welcome to the FBI mainframes.

•    I'm sorry, our software is perfect. The problem must be you

•    Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway

•    Webhost live help: Sir you ran out of bandwidth, User: Where can I download that?

•    If Ruby is not and Perl is the answer, you don't understand the question

•    Having soundcards is nice... having embedded sound in web pages is not

•    My computer was full, so I deleted everything on the right half

•    You have received a new mail which is 195537 hours old

•    Yahoo! Mail: Your email was sent successfully. The email will delivered in 4 days and 8 hours

•    I'm sorry for the double slash (Tim Berners-Lee in a Panel Discussion, WWW7, Brisbane, 1998)

•    Ah, young webmaster... java leads to shockwave. Shockwave leads to RealAudio. And RealAudio leads to suffering

•    What color do you want that database?

•    C++ is a write-only language. I can write programs in C++, but I can't read any of them

•    As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code

•    earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can

•    A typical yahoo chat room: "A has signed in, A has signed out, B has signed in, B has signed out, C has signed in, C has signed out.."

•    When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop

•    Warning! No processor found! Press any key to continue

•    Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product

•    NT is the only OS that has caused me to beat a piece of hardware to death with my bare hands

•    Warning! Kernel crashed, Run for your lives !

•    NASA uses Windows? Oh great. If Apollo 13 went off course today the manual would just tell them to open the airlock, flush the astronauts out, and re-install new one

•    JavaScript: An authorizing language designed to make Netscape crash

•    How's my programming? Call 1-800-DEV-NULL

•    Yes, friends and neighbors, boys and girls - my PC speaker crashed NT

•    root:> Sorry, you entered the wrong password, the correct password is 'a_49qwXk'

•    New Linux package released. Please install on /dev/null

•    Quake and uptime do not like each other

•    Unix...best if used before: Tue Jan 19 03:14:08 GMT 2038

•    As you well know, magic and weapons are prohibited inside the cafeteria -- Final Fantasy VIII

•    Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft...and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labo

•    Unix is the only virus with a command line interface

•    Windows 95 makes Unix look like an operating system

•    How are we supposed to hack your system if it's always down!

•    God is real, unless declared integer

•    I'm tempted to buy the slashdot staff a grammar checker. What do they do for 40 hours a week?

•    Paypal : Please enter your credit card number to continue

•    It takes a million monkeys at typewriters to write Shakespeare, but only a dozen monkeys at computers to run Network Solutions

•    Please help - firewall burnt down - lost packet - reward $$$

•    If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery

•    Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle

•    Perl, the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption

•    Norton: Incoming virus - (D)ownload and save (R)un after download

•    I had a dream... and there were 1's and 0's everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!

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